We can only be friends if you’re kind of an asshole. Not full blown asshole because that’s no fun. And if you’re not an asshole at all then that won’t work either. A halfway asshole. Those are my kind of people.
why the fuck cant we text the police
lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you
People mistake ovulation and menstruation to be the same thing when in fact they aren’t
Ovulation is when the eggs are saying “hello friends I am here”
And menstuation is when the eggs are saying “goodbye friends I am gone”
My life goal is to have enough $100 bills that fill a bathtub & I want to bathe in my glory & success
my life goal is to sneeze with out farting
I think we’re on two different paths in life
(Source: like-ya)
